So I actually made an appointment and WENT to see the psych doc. He asked me a ton of questions that I had already answered on the tons of forms I had to fill out (why do they do that?). He made me do a couple of "tests" and blah, blah, blah. So, anyway, it turns out that I have bipolar disorder, ADD, OCD, and an eating disorder. (you're a genius, doc)
Here's the thing, I was really surprised (stop laughing) that he told me I had all of this stuff going on. No matter that I've been saying it myself, for years. (Seriously, stop laughing...). Here's how my thought process goes:
I figured that maybe I've hoodwinked all of the doctors into believing I have disorders and/or illnesses. Now, WHY anyone (including myself) would want that, I have no idea...attention maybe? As it turns out, this kind of thinking is part of being part of the kookoo crowd. Hmmmmm.
If that's the case, then maybe some of my convoluted thinking is actually not "me" me, but "DNA" me. Once again.....hmmmmmm. So, let's say that I do something that might be considered "nice". Let's say that it made me feel all happy and good to do it. I then wonder if I REALLY did it to feel better about myself or to (horrors) LOOK like I was doing something nice. Maybe, I just did it for the blessings? Stay with me here...if I did it for myself, would the blessings be negated? In the end, did I help anyone? Why are my pants fitting tighter than usual? Why are my kids fighting...again? Oh yeah, is it normal to be embarrassed to help someone because you don't know if your motives are truly pure?
Seriously.
Welcome to my world...
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Okay Nikki, I don't know if I'm writing to cyber air or what, but you are soooo funny. My crazy girlfriend. OMG I said FRIEND. I am not even allowed to think that word, something bad might happen to me and of course nobody is really a friend. So many acquaintances eh Nikki? I think I went to the same doctor as you did! I came out thinking all that stuff too. To Thine Own Self Be True. I don't know where that came from. Like someone once said to me; "Let me be the judge of your awesomeness" You are Awesome.
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